SIgh, you again in my dream...

Took a two hour nap before my 3 pm shift...

GUess what? FOr that short nap, i dreamed of him again.

We were all working in an old hospital with others colleague as well.

At that time, he and I were like a couple....

We teased each other, hugs, played around and etc.....

And poof ! Dream bubbles popped!....

Time to work!

Why? Why him again in my dream?

Am I still hoping something in him?

What's it? Why is it?

I cant even understand myself...........................

Bad dream..

Had a very bad dream yesterday night....
My elder brother just came back home from Bintulu. He said he was attacked by many people and was admitted to Bintulu Hosp and eventually discharged well but noted his body had many healed wound and also his skin was like separated from the muscle and also many left open laceration wounds. So i brought him in to Emergency to stitch up the laceration wound and also to dress his wound. During the process of wound dressing, noted he slowly become drowsy and everything seems to crush, showing impending shock. Thus, he needed to be intubated as GCS dropped. I thought I will be very calm and cool cause I have seen so many and even worse cases than this. But at the moment i know my brother needed to be tubed, I was so worried, holding his shivering hands and cried cause i know once patient intubated, mortality of the patient will shoot up way far from recovery.

Was so so worried that my brother couldn't make it through and survive. AFter my brother being tubed, I finally woke up from my sleep, and only realized that it was only a dream....Thank GOd..

4 years ago, when i was in Kursk, I had once a bad dream too.. Also involved my family members, both my parents.
I was working in Emergency, then suddenly 2 trolley pushed in, and there were my dad and mom, who involved in a very serious accident. Both were pushed into the Red zone. There, I was so scared that both of my parents will leave me alone at such an early time. I was crying and woke up with tears rolling down my cheeks, only i know it was only a dream. A scary and bad dream. I hoped that dream never came true when I work in EMergency.

Please GOd, dont take away my parents and my family too early. I need them.
If it's possible, please bring me back to You earlier than them.

Looks alike

Saw one ortho HO, who looks like you....

His height, his back, really looks exactly like yours,

There's a few times when I saw him, i thought he's you...

And today, he's there almost all the time,

Also at the same time, reminding me of you.....

Damn.............

Its Time....

Well...It's time to let him go....

I know I have been saying the same thing years back....

And my good friends around me also said the same thing cause it's not worth it, to waste my time on him..

But still, from time to time, there's still this tiny part of me, hoping to have a good ending with him,

Although he's not the kind of guy I wanted,

He's such a lazy, bossy, always think about the simplest and easiest way to get what he wanted-$$,

Also ambitious-less, full-time liar, damn irresponsible,

Of all these bad attitude, there's only one is good- stingy.....

Because of that, I've always hope he could change all his bad habits when he slowly maturing,

But, seems like it's the other way round,

I hope this will be the last time I said "letting him go".

Bye-Bye-love

Hemoptysis...

Had a long hour sleep yesterday...

from 12 pm to 7.30pm, then again

from 3am till 9.30am....

Why after a 7 hour sleep in the evening, i still slept for 6 hours at night?

And that night sleep, I dreamed of me getting hemoptysis, the coughing up of blood...

Was never expected that me can get such a serious sudden onset of hemoptysis...

Everyone said in A+E department will get sick once for sure....and I proudly said that I will never get sick since I had been in that department for more than 2 weeks and also safely came out from medical department without getting sick.

I thought this time, I am going to eat my own words.............

Gradually, my hemoptysis getting more and more serious, and I still think it's just a usual flu, maybe my flu was different from others, because I refuse to get it investigated....

Refuse to know the truth that I dont wanna know...eventhough death is not scary for me...

Cause I dont wanna go through a suffering-trying-to-fight-for-life death.....

I want a sudden and unpainful death.............

Then suddenly, I am back to my reality...............My real world....before I can die in my own dream..............