without you in it....

slept early last nite at 11.30 pm...

had a long and nice sleep till 7.30am....

during this sleep, i dreamed of me with a bunch of friends, in kursk, in a train, going to a town for a visit...

that journey was long , we even have to go through the ocean, and i saw dolphins swimming around....

then there're very huge fruits in that town too.....

after reaching that town, i saw Johnny was barbecue-ing ....

and i saw people playing basketball, badminton and etc...

i was looking around searching if you were there but in vain.....

then my phone alarm ring.... time to wake up .....

this time, you weren't in the dream.....

SIgh, you again in my dream...

Took a two hour nap before my 3 pm shift...

GUess what? FOr that short nap, i dreamed of him again.

We were all working in an old hospital with others colleague as well.

At that time, he and I were like a couple....

We teased each other, hugs, played around and etc.....

And poof ! Dream bubbles popped!....

Time to work!

Why? Why him again in my dream?

Am I still hoping something in him?

What's it? Why is it?

I cant even understand myself...........................

Hemoptysis...

Had a long hour sleep yesterday...

from 12 pm to 7.30pm, then again

from 3am till 9.30am....

Why after a 7 hour sleep in the evening, i still slept for 6 hours at night?

And that night sleep, I dreamed of me getting hemoptysis, the coughing up of blood...

Was never expected that me can get such a serious sudden onset of hemoptysis...

Everyone said in A+E department will get sick once for sure....and I proudly said that I will never get sick since I had been in that department for more than 2 weeks and also safely came out from medical department without getting sick.

I thought this time, I am going to eat my own words.............

Gradually, my hemoptysis getting more and more serious, and I still think it's just a usual flu, maybe my flu was different from others, because I refuse to get it investigated....

Refuse to know the truth that I dont wanna know...eventhough death is not scary for me...

Cause I dont wanna go through a suffering-trying-to-fight-for-life death.....

I want a sudden and unpainful death.............

Then suddenly, I am back to my reality...............My real world....before I can die in my own dream..............

Me operated...

had a weird dream again..........

Dream about me being operated by a surgeon without a proper anaesthesia.....
Because of my sleepiness, the surgeon thought there's something wrong with my brain, so he decided to operate on my brain and take that something which cause my sleepiness out of my brain. His skill was very good that i only feel a slight pain during operation.
Besides, he also operated my heart and my lungs and i could see that my aorta is sclerosis-ing, then after that he just put everything into a empty compartmental human doll, then put it back into my body and my head and stitched it up. Then i am alive again, and the stitches were nice, like I was never been operated.....