Looks alike

Saw one ortho HO, who looks like you....

His height, his back, really looks exactly like yours,

There's a few times when I saw him, i thought he's you...

And today, he's there almost all the time,

Also at the same time, reminding me of you.....

Damn.............

Its Time....

Well...It's time to let him go....

I know I have been saying the same thing years back....

And my good friends around me also said the same thing cause it's not worth it, to waste my time on him..

But still, from time to time, there's still this tiny part of me, hoping to have a good ending with him,

Although he's not the kind of guy I wanted,

He's such a lazy, bossy, always think about the simplest and easiest way to get what he wanted-$$,

Also ambitious-less, full-time liar, damn irresponsible,

Of all these bad attitude, there's only one is good- stingy.....

Because of that, I've always hope he could change all his bad habits when he slowly maturing,

But, seems like it's the other way round,

I hope this will be the last time I said "letting him go".

Bye-Bye-love

Hemoptysis...

Had a long hour sleep yesterday...

from 12 pm to 7.30pm, then again

from 3am till 9.30am....

Why after a 7 hour sleep in the evening, i still slept for 6 hours at night?

And that night sleep, I dreamed of me getting hemoptysis, the coughing up of blood...

Was never expected that me can get such a serious sudden onset of hemoptysis...

Everyone said in A+E department will get sick once for sure....and I proudly said that I will never get sick since I had been in that department for more than 2 weeks and also safely came out from medical department without getting sick.

I thought this time, I am going to eat my own words.............

Gradually, my hemoptysis getting more and more serious, and I still think it's just a usual flu, maybe my flu was different from others, because I refuse to get it investigated....

Refuse to know the truth that I dont wanna know...eventhough death is not scary for me...

Cause I dont wanna go through a suffering-trying-to-fight-for-life death.....

I want a sudden and unpainful death.............

Then suddenly, I am back to my reality...............My real world....before I can die in my own dream..............

Almost 2 years....

Almost 2 years already since I started my HO-ship....

Almost 2 years, I've been back to my home....

And within this almost 2 years, my brother's marriage life, which started with a marriage vow, is now desperately signing off with a divorce letter.

I don't know what had happened between this young couple, and I also don't wanna know how did that divorce thought came between them. What I know is, they shouldn't have started in the beginning if they are ending it like this.

Sigh...what a bad example in my family.

Also, listening to my own mum keep complaining about my dad's this & that, and seeing their relationship slowly progressing to an unlovely and cold one, makes me think that the real marriage life is not that happy as what happened in the series.

That's why till now, I am still wandering whether to start dating him or not...

I know we both tried to be out together, but both of us felt so awkward together alone,

Is it because we know each other too much?

I didn't know since when we stopped seeing each other,

Maybe both of us are too tired for this already.

But, if once I started, I want it to be as sweet as what portrayed in my korean series.

But, anything can happen in between....and I cant take that risk for that anything to happen.....

I'm scared, I don't wanna to get hurt,

Thus, I still prefer that nothing will happen between us....

I am happy to be single now....till I can find someone really worth my time and love on him....

Even that, I still hope that he will be that someone someday for ME.......

First Choice

* Maybe you're always someone's first choice,

You never wondered about me?

I like you, I've always liked you,

You're Home for me....* said by Ethan in "Something Borrowed"

Who are my first choice?

Are you ?

I've never been into someone this long, 8 years....

And I'm still thinking about you on and off,

Wondering what are you doing at the same time,

Does that tell me you are my first choice?

Who are you to me?

Definitely not a home for me......Then what?

What am I to you then?

Am I, you first choice? Definitely not...........

Anyway, I am still happy for what I am now......

Also happy that you are still the old you...... hohohoho....